This miserable-looking guy is sat at a bar one evening, just staring at his drink. He's been like that for half-an-hour now.Suddenly this big, trouble-making truck driver walks up to him, takes the guy's drink from the bar, and drinks it all down in one gulp. The sad guy starts to cry.The truck driver is a bit off-put by this and says to him, 'Come on man, I was only joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I can't stand to see a grown man cry.' The sad guy sobs, 'No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life.
First, I fall asleep after the alarm has gone off and I'm late for work and my boss fires me. Then when I leave the office, my car's been stolen.
The cops said there's nothing they can do. So I have to get a cab home.
After it drives off I realize I've left my wallet and credit cards in it. So I walk into my house only to find my wife in bed with the gardener. I walk right out and come straight here.
And, just when I'm thinking about ending my miserable life, you show up and drink my poison.' A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner one day to grab some lunch.
He ordered a cheeseburger, a coffee and a slice of apple pie.Just as he was about to eat them, three big hairy bikers walked in.The first biker grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a big bite from it.The second biker picked up the trucker's coffee and downed it in one gulp.The third biker ate the trucker's apple pie.The truck driver didn't do anything or say a word as all this went on.When they finished, he just paid the waitress and left.The first biker said to the waitress, 'He ain't much of a man, is he?' 'He's not much of a driver, either,' the waitress replied. 'He's just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorbikes.' As I was driving to work this morning, this truck driver swerved right through the traffic, cutting up the other road users before smashing into the back of a car.
On the back of his truck was a sign saying, 'How am I driving?' I thought to myself, 'I've got no idea either!' An Aussie truck driver is travelling from Melbourne to Perth when he stops to pick up a hitch-hiker by the side of the road.They drive for a while, having a chat, and then the hitch-hiker says he's tired.The truck driver tells him to lay down in the truck's sleeper compartment and have a rest.So the hitch-hiker lies down and is soon asleep. A short time later, he's woken by the noise of the truck running over something.'
What was all the noise?' He asks the truck driver.The trucker replies, 'Oh, I just hit an Aborigine.' The hitch-hiker says, 'Oh! But what was all that other noise?' The trucker replies, 'Well, I had to go through two fences to get him.' A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it he comes to a the low bridge and gets stuck under it. The cars are backed up for miles behind him.Eventually, a cop car pulls up.
The cop gets out and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and says to him, 'Got stuck huh, sir?' The trucker replies, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.' This one truck driver would often amuse himself by running over lawyers.
Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying 'THUMP' as he did so, and then swerve back onto the road.One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he'd do a good turn so he pulled the truck over and said to the priest, 'Where're you going, Father?' The priest answered, 'I'm going to the church 3 miles down the road.' 'No problem, Father!'
Said the trucker, 'I'll give you a lift. So the priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him.
But as he did so he suddenly remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved away, just missing the lawyer.Even though he was sure he'd missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud 'THUD'. Not knowing where the noise had come from, he looked in his mirrors but when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, 'I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.' 'I know', said the priest. 'Lucky I got him with the door!' A truck driver was pulled over one day by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and he noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.Thinking that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman said, 'Did I just see you swallow something?'
The truck driver replied, 'Yeah, that was my birth control pill.' 'Your birth control pill?' Asked the patrolman.The trucker said, 'Yeah, when I saw your flashing light, I knew I was screwed!' I was walking down the street today when breakdown truck driver pulled up alongside me and said, 'Excuse me, I'm looking for the accident site involving a van carrying a load of cutlery.'
'No problem,' I said. 'Go straight down this road for 1 mile, then take the first left, and when you get to the fork in the road you're there.' A trucker stops for a red light one day and notices a blonde in the car behind. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and the blonde says to him, 'Hi, my name's Julie and I thought you should know you're losing some of your load.' The trucker just ignores her, raises the window and proceeds down the street as the light changes.
A short while later he has to stop for another red light. The blonde in the car is still behind him. Again, she jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.As if they've never spoken before, the blonde says brightly, 'Hi my name's Julie, and I thought you should know you're losing some of your load!'
The trucker shakes his head but apart from this he ignores her again. He raises the window and drives on as the red light changes.At the third red light, the same thing happens again.At the fourth red light the trucker jumps out of his truck, and runs back to the blonde's car. He knocks on the window and she lowers it.The trucker says, 'Hi, my name's Steve, it's winter in Canada, and I'm driving the salt truck!'
A gynaecologist was fed up with his job and so he decided to switch careers.He'd always enjoyed tinkering with truck engines, so he enrolled in a school for truck mechanics.After the class ended, the students were given their final exam. The task was to strip a truck engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.He asked the instructor, '150%?
New Driver Jokes
How could score that?' 'Well,' replied the instructor, 'I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Then I gave you 50% for reassembling it perfectly.
And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.' One day a trucker got slightly stuck with his load under an overpass on a busy stretch of highway.It wasn't long before a cop stopped by to check things out. He had sized up the situation and then advised to the trucker to let some air out of his tires, so he could move on.The trucker replied 'I'm stuck at the top officer, not at the bottom.' What's the difference between a Peterbilt and a porcupine?On the porcupine the prick is on the outside.What happens when five J.B. Hunt drivers leave a truck stop?You get ten extra parking spaces.Why are most Schneider jokes one liners?So J.B.
Drivers can understand them.Truck Driver JokesIf you enjoyed this collection of funny truck driver jokes, why not check out the rest of our site for loads more such as these.